Toilet survey #3: Old Trafford (of the cricket ground variety)

I've just about recovered from the excitement of the third Test in Manchester last weekend. And it looks like the toilet survey needs to be extended from football grounds to sporting venues in general.

There don't seem to be sufficient loos at Old Trafford - the queues snaking outside the gents' at lunchtime were prodigious. They're obviously aware of this as they'd brought in a lot of green portable cubicles to try and alleviate the problem.

However, I know the ground well enough to know that there's a ladies' loo underneath the pavilion where the queues are usually much shorter. It's very dark down there - though the tunnel's by far the warmest place to hide when it's cold and the cricket's been rained off (and my friend Fiona and I managed to inhale two bottles of champagne by mid-day down there on the Friday of last year's Test when it rained all day and we saw no cricket).

The loo is similarly dark, added to by the decor which echoes Lancashire's Sunday cricket pyjama colours of red and blue. However, there are plentiful cubicles, four on one side and five on the other. This picture doesn't do justice to the darkness of the walls - those behind me and to my right in this shot are tiled in the same deep red and dark blue. If they'd made the doors dark too then it would have felt like a goth palace. Or at least somewhere more suited to the Brides of Dracula.


The cubicles themselves were more than adequate - clean and plenty of loo roll.


Rating: 8/10. That original decor was a definite plus.

Toilet survey #4: Ipswich Town

Two toilet surveys for the price of one this morning!

Ipswich was always going to be a difficult match for us to win - we were promoted by the skin of our teeth through the play-offs, having finished fifth last season. They'd been in the play-offs too, failing to win promotion to the Premiership thanks to their customary inability to win in the semi-final. Although a number of their players have indeed moved on upwards, it was still going to be hard for us to get much from this game. And so it proved. Ipswich took the lead inside the first 10 minutes, a lead that was doubled 20 minutes from time. We did manage to pull back a consolation goal, thanks to Lee Peacock's mohicaned bonce somehow managing to get on the end of a corner. But it was too late.

However, in the second half it we managed to play the best football I've seen from Wednesday since last season, particularly after Sturrock made a triple substitution. It may be normal service resumed on the league position front - we're back in the relegation zone, hurrah! - but if we can manage to play like this we'll certainly start to pick up points.

The away fans are housed at one end of the stand facing the main stand, which is beginning to age. It clearly used to be a terrace, and they evidently went for the cheapskate option of squeezing the seats onto the existing concrete, which leaves no room to put such luxuries as your legs.

The age of the stand is also evidenced by the paucity of loos. Just three cubicles for a couple of thousand away fans - many of whom these days are female. It wouldn't cost a great deal to improve the situation here if a little intelligence were applied to it. You open the door, and you're faced with this long, tiled corridor.


Turn the corner at the end, and there's the cubicles. Just the three. Take out that wall, make the corridor part of the room, and bingo, there's room for at least half-a-dozen.


The cubicles were reasonably clean, and the loo roll was abundant.


As ever, I sneaked out to the loo before half time (you'd be amazed how many goals I've made us score by going to the loo) and missed the queues. I dread to think how long I'd've had to wait if I'd hung on.

Rating: 6/10. Clean but loses points because there aren't enough - and there's the space to fix that.