The best laid plans...

Yesterday was all beautifully plotted out. Trip to Sheffield to watch us lose at Pig Lane (hopefully finding somewhere to drink beer pre-match that wasn't too full of idiots), back on the early train and off to South London Pacific for mondoagogo's birthdayish drinks.

It all went swimmingly until just after 6pm. My mate Matt had found somewhere to drink - although it was full of Piggies (including Pig über-hooligan Paul Heaton - yes, the bloke from the Beautiful South) Matt and a couple of other mates had managed to commandeer a table, and it wasn't that packed (the hooligan contingent left at 1.30pm, presumably for their pre-planned trouble). Then to the match - obviously we lost, but that was hardly unexpected. And we made it back to Sheffield station in time for the 17.30 train, the new M&S Simply Food store at the station is now open so sarnies for dinner could be purchased, and the train left on time.

I was just about to text mondoagogo to say I was on schedule for being there at about 8.30 and would they be there by then, when the train came to a halt. And stayed halted. After about 20 minutes the train manager finally deigned to tell us what was going on - or rather that she'd no idea what was going on. After another 10 minutes, she was back on the tannoy - there had been a 'major failure of line-side equipment' and we could go no further. We were somewhere just north of Loughborough. So the train backed up to Derby and we were all turfed off. No trains going through to London at all. And I called the mate who was meant to be meeting me at SLP to tell him not to bother.

The only viable option seemed to be to go to Birmingham New Street, and then get a train to Euston from there. The local train was rather packed, but miraculously I managed to get a seat. I got split up from most of the rest of the group, so there was just me and my mate Tom (or 'Coronation Street's dead man Thomas Craig', © the stadium announcer at Oldham) surrounded by a load of Pigs. Once they'd calmed down and stopped singing 'Katy Harris is our friend, she kills Piggies', they were surprisingly human for Pigs. [explanation for those not versed in the joys of Corrie: Tom's character was killed by his daughter earlier this year, who clobbered him over the head with a wrench. And the Pigs call us Pigs too because they can't think of anything else – we call them Pigs because they wear red and white stripes, like streaky bacon].

We also got seats on the London train, once it finally arrived, in first class, dahlink. By this time we were desperate for a drink (or three), but all the bar had was Virgin Cola. Which was no bloody good. I wanted vodka. At least I was with a load of mates – I'd've been really pissed off if I'd been stuck there on my own.

We finally rolled in at Euston somewhere around three hours after we should have arrived at St Pancras. Hrrmmppph. OK, so we'll get our money back. But now the train companies have taken to making two singles invariably cheaper than a return, that's just £7.50. Woooo. Scant compensation for missing my evening out.

Hope I missed a good evening!

And now I'm bored. Watching last night's X Factor. Next stop Strictly Come Dancing. And later on the Corrie omnibus. I'm such an intellectual burd.

Toilet survey #13: Sheffield U****d

Sheffield U****d 1 Sheffield Wednesday 0, 3 December 2005

The away end at Bramall Pig Lane, frankly, needs demolishing and rebuilding. (In fact, the whole ground does, a supermarket would be a much better use of the land). But anyway. I arrived reasonably early, and the 'concourse' area is so cramped it was already heaving. Injured Wednesday players JP McGovern and Lee Bullen were both there, too - they were hiding under woolly hats, but club captain Bullen had had a few barley-pops and was starting off the singing. Nice to see players mingling with the fans - they'd done the same at Stoke. They could have sat in the directors' box, but much preferred to sit with the 'real' people. Here's a blurry one of Bullen boozing...


It pains me to say anything nice about Pig Lane, but there were plenty of loos - two sets of eight.


However, even pre-match there were substantial puddles around.


There was loo roll, but the whole ambience was far too red.

Rating: -4/10. I had to add a bonus -10 points just for where it is.