More from the fjords...

... now I'm not in them any more! I started writing this on Sunday, but got distracted and never quite got around to finishing it. Better late than never.

Bergen's lovely. But it was jolly cold. After a three-hour one-on-one tour with a lovely city guide with a bizarrely antipodean accent (she's Norwegian but has been married to an Aussie for 30 years), my extremities were extremely numb and I was shivering, despite two thermal vests and three fleeces. My hotel was on Bryggen, the old harbourfront, with the old wooden merchants' houses from Hanseatic League days squeezed in together higgledy-piggledy, with only narrow corridors between them. Little wonder fires were common! That's why the roofs are so steep, too - not to allow the snow to slide off (the Gulf stream means there's surprisingly little snow there) but to allow sparks to roll down when the house next door caught fire.

Further up the hillside behind Bryggen, the houses are a little less close together - but still squeezed in, with steep streets of stairs winding their way in between them. A funicular railway runs up the side of the hill, and the views from the top are stunning – particularly on a gloriously clear day giving a great view across the the fjord and islands.

Back down at sea level, away from the historic old wooden area, the buildings are newer – this area got less lucky with fire avoidance. After the Oslo museum overdose, I only did one in Bergen whose name I've completely forgotten but which was superbly eclectic. There was a large collection of Chinese antiquities, put together by a Norwegian army officer who brought it all back because he liked it, a display about local house styles, a large collection of chairs from down the ages, and a crazy-mad room that's probably best described as 'stuff', such as a large table with place settings for famous Norwegians from different eras.

After lunch with a lovely (and very giggly – in a nice way!) lady from the Bergen tourist board, I wandered off to the aquarium which, apparently has the world's largest collection of freshwater fish (cod are ugly buggers, they taste much better than they look), plus penguins, performing seals, crocodiles and even monkeys. No, I'm not quite sure what the monkeys were doing there.

And then it was on to the ship, the SS Finnmarken. Norwegian Coastal Voyage runs a daily service all the way to Kirkenes (the round trip takes 11 days), which takes tourists, passengers, freight and cars. There was a jacuzzi on deck (which I might have investigated) and a swimming pool (which I left to the mad Germans), and they gave me a fab cabin just under the bridge with a great view ahead. My meals on the boat were included – but not drink – so I had just the one £5 pint of beer and left it at that. I also discovered that I'd managed to leave my DVD stash in the hotel in Oslo (four movies and a selection of episodes of 'Firefly'). I phoned them and they posted them to me – they arrived unscathed yesterday. I don't get any better.

Next morning the ship sailed across open water at around breakfast time, which confirmed that I do indeed still get seasick. Pootling around the fjords is one thing. Open sea - even when it's nice and calm – is quite another. Urgh. After a brief mid-morning stop at Torvik (where I got some very pretty photos), we carried on up the nice flat fjords to Ålesund. The old wooden town was completely destroyed by fire in the early 20th century, and Kaiser Wilhelm sent a load of German architects and artisans to help rebuild the city in the Art Nouveau style. It's very pretty. There's a big hill above the town (418 steps!) and the climb was well worth it as the view was stunning.

Next (brief) stop was Molde, which was closed. I expect Kristiansund was closed, too, but I'd gone to bed by then. However, I did manage to catch much of what I think was Norway's equivalent of 'Song for Europe'. There were some crackers. Ooooh, getting excited about Eurovision already!

In the morning, I woke up in Trondheim. It was looking pretty overcast, but I felt obliged to go exploring anyway – this was my last stop, and the ship was due to leave at 12pm so I left my luggage in my cabin and tramped off. The heavens opened while I was in the middle of the town – a good 20 minute walk from the harbour. Thank goodness for Gore-Tex – but I'd left my walking boots at home and by the time I got back to rescue my suitcase my jeans were soaking, as were my trainers. And of course I then had to walk half way back again to get the airport bus.

I'll try and get around to uploading some pretty fjord photos at some point!

Toilet survey #17: Leeds United

Leeds United 3 Sheffield Wednesday 0
21 January 2006

I have been a touch remiss about bog-blogging recently – blame a trip to the fjords. But tomorrow's trip to the New Den has concentrated my mind...

So. Leeds. While we probably deserved to lose, we weren't 3-0 bad. At least I'd put money on ex-Wednesday player Richard Cresswell to score first and last rather than just first, as he scored the second and third.

They shafted us for an outrageous £25 for the tickets - and the view was terrible. I was about eight rows back right behind the goal, and thanks to the crossbar it was almost impossible to see what was going on at the other end.


The queues for the loos were prodigious before the match, so I sneaked out 10 minutes before half time, only to find that the nearest loos still had a long queue. A tramp down to the second set of loos at the other end of the stand showed why – there were only two cubicles. That's four loos for the entire away end. Not impressed.


And they were in a real state. No loo roll – I think it was all on the floor. Fortunately I always have loo-roll in my pockets at football – as would you if you'd heard my mate Julian's thoroughly alarming anecdote involving football, an upset stomach, an absence of loo-roll and a foil pie tray floating along on a sea of piss.


Judging by the lake outside being ineffectively mopped up, the plumbing's not up to much either.


Score: 2/10. Very little to recommend them, aside from not actually being blocked.

Toilet survey #18: Fullers Sports Ground, Chiswick

Glasgow Rangers Supporters 2 Stoke City Supporters 2 (aet)
Rangers won on penalties
29 January 2006

Just like London buses – no bog-blogs for ages, then two arrive at once.

I was running the line in a cup quarter final. They'd not normally have linos assistant referees in quarter finals, but there was a spot of aggro in the league fixture between the teams earlier in the season involving disputed offside calls. So I got to trundle up and down the touchline, flagging Stoke players offside for half the match (because they were incapable of staying onside), and not flagging much at all in the other half (because the Rangers players had got the hang of that complicated offside stuff much better).

And, being a cup match, a draw is not an acceptable result. It was bloody freezing and I wasn't best pleased when Rangers equalised with 20 seconds of normal time left. Bastards. I didn't care who won – just as long as someone did within 90 minutes! No such luck.

Fullers – yes, the brewery – clearly look after their sports ground much better than the councils do. The pitch was nice and flat, and had plenty of grass. You could even see the lines; sometimes they're more mythical than visible. While there wasn't a ladies' changing room as such, there was a ladies' loo, which was lovely and warm and there was plenty of space – and a chair to jam under the room's door handle in the absence of a lock. The loo itself was a thing of beauty – clean, loo-roll, what more can a girl ask for?


There were even nice clean showers with lovely new curtains – and copious quantities of hot water.


Score: 8.5/10. Pretty jolly good. If only all the parks pitches had facilities like this.

I won the lottery!

Spurred on by hooloovoo_42's proud boast that she'd got two numbers and one star on this week's Eurogazillions lottery, I checked my numbers – and I won too!

And for my two numbers and one star, I am now the princely sum of £7.10 better off.

Yay!